” Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar? ”
~~~ Bruce Nolan in Bruce Almighty
This is the perfect quote from yet another movie in which I can totally relate to Warrior. A few nights after his passing, I kinda felt like Bruce although instead of millions of prayers– I heard loud camera clicks, shutters, and movie reel tapes. I KNEW sleep would allude me in one way or another but never do I know how and what my reaction could be.
I had seen online how the WWE network would be showing some of Warrior’s greatest matches on “Warrior Week.” I looked at the many faces over the years of the Ultimate Warrior. I have read that sometimes grief can get played out in your brain as memories, pictures, etc. so guess this was my turn. No idea at the time but first came the photos with large bright white camera flashbulbs going off in every direction until my eyes opened. Second, came the deafening sound of an old time movie filmstrip reel reminiscent of my Grandpa’s he used for home videos. It was incredibly loud and very unbearable to my ears. I thought they’d explode.
I opened my eyes again and felt helpless as eventually my mind drifted to sleep for what seemed like hours later. Flash forward ( no pun intended) to possibly about a week later when the three sobs came. ..
I really thought other experiences were hard to write about but this one is by far the worst. It always was something I didn’t want to put on paper but once I think of everything about Warrior and my thoughts, I had to include this. Often I said to myself after he passed it was like mourning 500 people since he changed his look frequently. He needed variety to stimulate his career professionally.
Just when I thought all the emotions I could possibly hold were done for the day, the night crept forward. I don’t talk in my sleep thankfully but as with all of my “warrior-isms”, complete and total shock began to set in. Whatever my sleep processed it was obviously too much for me to handle internally. I compare this to being half awake and half asleep. You are partially aware of your surroundings and sounds but can’t open your eyes. I believe this is similar to what a comatose patient experiences.
All of a sudden, I let out three huge sobs ( a three count maybe?) that reminded me of crying as a child and guess at times I still do. After the first one, I did realize what had happened and knew why. I couldn’t really shake the feeling or fully wake up. My husband nudged me several times which stirred me awake finally. He said I must’ve been having a bad dream or something. I immediately realized but never thought it would manifest in my bed with my husband next to me.
After staring into the blackness of the night a few moments, sleep seemed scary and pointless. How could Warrior’s death affect me so much and make me feel so out of control which I hate? Even after some of my relatives passed, this hasn’t occurred. I KNEW I was a wreck and very crushed by this but several outbursts– unheard of. I never forgot that and how profound it made me feel. His life, death, and spirit have all influenced me and his strongness remains always ever present.
Guess my psychic “clairs” were really starting to develop right away. These will be discussed in a later post!
Clairvoyance= seeing flashbulbs👀
Clairaudience= hearing movie reel clicks👂
Clairsentience= feelings and strong emotions💗
Claircognizance= a knowing about something without logic. I KNEW this was something very real and the beginning of a new awareness. This became ” epical! ” 💪