This post will conclude my experiences and emotions regarding five years ago with Warrior’s passing. I’m not sharing my whole day of shock upon hearing the news on April 9, but wanted to relate my grief and the tribute on RAW April 14.
When my brother informed me of the tribute, I had no idea of what to expect. I just knew for those brief minutes that WWE would be on my T.V. that night. The whole day my stomach was in knots as time passed way too fast. I became more immersed in my activities while trying to avoid distractions. So many scenarios played out in my head as I anticipated that volcano inside my throat. 🌋
I had to tell my husband why I wanted to watch RAW which we don’t. So needed to form my words correctly without tears. Prior to this, it was our family game night that the kids initiated a few weeks before. They picked Clue Jr. and Mama calmed her heart to play. Sometimes these games take too long and had to mention possibly cutting it short. There was something on T.V. their Mama needed to watch. Luckily, it ended with about 20 minutes before 8:00–RAW time.
I explained to my husband how my favorite wrestler passed away recently and they were giving him a tribute on RAW. No big deal to him really. Why did I care so much? After all, it wasn’t just his T.V., right? The eerie part for me was where I sat to watch. Really wasn’t even thinking but ended up in the exact same spot I sat a week ago. A week ago when Warrior was still alive making his last television appearance on RAW. That didn’t faze me until later. Very different feelings just 7 days ago.
While watching after several minutes, my husband saw part of the Ultimate Warrior‘s IC title win over Honky Tonk Man. He looked at the T.V. pointed to HTM, and asked:“Is that him?” He meant Warrior. Since I never liked the bad guys as previously blogged, my face grimaced some while slowly saying:“Noo, he’s the other guy…” Not wanting to cry, a little smile formed on my face. Let’s just say emotion-wise that his comment about HTM was better than if we’d seen Undertaker!!! So very glad to see the Honky Tonk Man get inducted this year.
Guess the humor was needed for just a moment. My husband was completely clueless about all this and I wasn’t ready to share. I was actually better than I thought during the tribute but music gets me every time. Every single time. The song “One More Time” by
7 Lions was perfect with the part played. It seemed so wrong to hear the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music without seeing him running or just physically there. I applaud Triple H for getting the crowd going as hearing that music, well, you just can’t sit still. I do have a post about “Unstable” coming soon so stay tuned… Of course the next day, I watched it all again by myself tissues in hand. 💔😢
After the memorial tribute was over, I knew that volcano needed to erupt. I tapped my foot constantly while digging my nails into the side of the couch. I told my husband he could change the channel as I left the room.
Going upstairs to be alone seemed too obvious so I made my way into our half bathroom off the kitchen. After a few moments of silenced sobs, I turned on the faucet full blast to mask my tears. My ugly cries came yet again. That early April made me lose my voice from grief but I blamed it on the exceptionally warm spring which brought about my “cold.”
I’m sharing my story not out of extreme sad memories or my horrible emotional state back then at all. It is being written to show how grief knows no barriers whatsoever. We all grieve, even over losing things. It isn’t just people. I’ve even grieved over getting our new van a few years ago after having our first one 11 years. This year, it’s a new pool that’s replacing our old one and yes, I’ll grieve again. Am sure Dana grieved when selling Casa de Warrior a few years back.
Your grief is yours alone and it knows no time. You will know what journey is truly yours and there is no comparison. Some can say I was crazy to grieve so long and hard for a celebrity. Believe me, I questioned it also. Grief never fully goes away but just changes over time. I debunk many myths we buy into in my book Spirit and Belief.
I kept so much hidden for various reasons and very glad not to hide anymore. Slay those naysayers warriors! Don’t ever feel like your grief doesn’t matter because it does!! Perhaps Dana seemed so strong to all of us but she has such a huge support system which I never had.
Remember that we all need to be validated and go thru a process to get where we are today. We all go in different directions but need support along the way. I validate your grief for whatever reasons and truly understand. We need to let it out and not push it down. Without my process, I wouldn’t be doing all I am now in memory of Warrior. He gave me that validation and supported me from the start.
So, I am moving on from these moments and memories as I continue making new ones. Please do that too. My humor will be back very soon as it is the backbone of many posts! I realize sharing your grief or stories can be so challenging but know you are not alone. Grief makes us stronger.
Just don’t wallow too much as the spirit needs to laugh as well. Make that grief your OWN and let it pass as it needs to. A Warrior is strong but also tender. Celebrate how your sadness makes you real because it matters. A relative, celebrity, an object or memory, we have them all. Some we lose but some we keep. Make sure you keep what’s important as it reflects your life. The ones you keep are imprinted in your soul. Never let anyone deny that of you.
I will never forget April 14 as another moment and memory for me but know it let to a higher purpose. My story makes a difference just like yours does for you. Never by defined by myths, they are meant to be debunked. Grief will lead to joy. Go with it and your strong warrior self will make it truly ultimate. Being “sensitive,” “emotional,” or “too dramatic” isn’t a curse. It’s a blessing and what a life lesson it has been for me. 💙💪🏻🙏🏻~~~ Kathy