To Find Yourself ðŸ’™ðŸ§ 

“For a man to truly find himself, he has to go one place that we’re all entitled to go to. Deep, deep, deep in the mind…”

All you Ultimate Warrior fans probably know that speech he gave on RAW back in 1996. I won’t share the exact date because well, you can look that up on your own and you’ll know why. Jerry Lawler had commented that he was a “lunatic” for talking that way before Goldust came out but again, I get it. It does take quite a while for anyone to truly find themselves because we either are afraid of spending time alone or being judged. Being judged would be mine only years ago and not be people you’d probably think.

Back when I watched good ‘ol WWF, the Sunday morning show of Wrestling Challenge became an emotional ultimate challenge for me. That day we went to church so Superstars on Saturday was a no-brainer depending on which T.V. in the house I chose to watch. While in high school, my Dad decided switching churches to another which was a further drive. The service began at 9:30 and wrestling came on at 11:00. We ALWAYS made it back but guess what I’d be thinking about during the service? Yep, of course. If I knew the Ultimate Warrior was going to be on, I’d get so nervous and antsy. I always felt like lightning ⚡️ would strike me down for not paying attention! 😳

After my brother joined the Navy in Sept. of 1991, I lost a part of myself or so it seemed. Watching wrestling pretty much alone wasn’t the same anymore and I missed our funny banter. So grateful to reminisce with him now… My family knew I still watched but for some reason, I became a “closet watcher.” I’d sneak to watch on any T.V. I could access but change the channel when someone came in the room. That reminds me of Warrior’s story from the book “A Life Lived Forever.” He remembered his step-dad doing the same thing after “Jim” came home from being out with friends. If you can recall, I never shared much about wrestling with my friends but to hide it from my own family who knew I watched seems odd, doesn’t it? 🤔Why was I afraid? Probably because I lost a guy to watch with and was so conditioned to believe it wasn’t for girls. I had to find myself again.

I remember a few times after church when my Mom would be making breakfast. For some reason, Dad didn’t want the T.V. on in the kitchen anymore so I might miss the whole show. I actually would make up excuses to not come down so I could watch WWF upstairs in my brother’s room. Let’s see– a stomachache, I’m in the bathroom, ( for an hour?!) too tired and need to lie down, or anything else. Sometimes SNME was on the night before or I’d be babysitting late so being tired would be a legit excuse! I’d eat later around noon. Did Mom or the others ever figure it out? I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t ever feel comfortable without my brother but I gotta say– never did I miss it despite my excuses. Think I still watched despite U.W. being gone briefly in ’91. Cable ended my run a year or so later but Warrior had moved on and I did too.

Have you ever felt like you lost a part of yourself and needed to find it again? No, I never watched that much after late 1992 but what are your moments where parts needed to come back? You can go deep in your mind or explore other activities like Warrior but be the one to decide if what you lost is worth finding again. I never thought Warrior would re-surface in my life ever. It wasn’t until I bought a magazine in ’93, (Warrior was making the movie Firepower then) and a few years later finding an Action Figure which brought him back to me in a way. Both of those are great stories! Warrior also never thought after all the years of fueding with Vince that he’d ever be found again. Funny how fate has a way of lining things up that we couldn’t imagine ourselves. This is such a testament to my spiritual journey now.

I do know that never would I have looked up Warrior on my own had it not been for some things which became public. Finding myself didn’t mean watching wrestling anymore or even knowing what Warrior was up to. It meant not being afraid of judgments or ridicule for doing something I liked- whatever that could be. I had to learn to have more confidence in myself which took a long time, even into adulthood. Part of this was my own fear. It was me being fearful of all the emotion that would come as a result of not only following anything Warrior was putting out there but admitting it was o.k.

Whatever is preventing you from finding yourself however that looks, don’t be afraid. It’s your true essence calling out and saying: “I know you’re scared but do it anyway!” Once you finally go deep in your mind, heart, AND soul is when the truth will be found. Warrior had to spend lots of time exploring who he really was as a man but stayed true to himself. Sometimes, parts of us get lost, confused, or mixed up but we eventually get led back by fate or the Universe. To find yourself takes hard work but when you do, it’ll never be lost again. Be the warrior who goes deep as we are entitled to go to. Find yourself for your true nature knows the way.

www.spiritandbelief.com

~~~ Follow me here for book info on how Warrior’s energy inspired my spiritual gifts to open more. I share personal stories filled with humor, family stuff, and some psychic terms but all good! You can find it on Amazon and other outlets. I also write a more spiritual blog so head on over if interested!

~~~ I am also on Twitter and YouTube plus a few U.W. Fb groups (: Find yourself and always believe! 🙏🏻❣️

Moments and Memories

This post will conclude my experiences and emotions regarding five years ago with Warrior’s passing. I’m not sharing my whole day of shock upon hearing the news on April 9, but wanted to relate my grief and the tribute on RAW April 14.

When my brother informed me of the tribute, I had no idea of what to expect. I just knew for those brief minutes that WWE would be on my T.V. that night. The whole day my stomach was in knots as time passed way too fast. I became more immersed in my activities while trying to avoid distractions. So many scenarios played out in my head as I anticipated that volcano inside my throat. 🌋

I had to tell my husband why I wanted to watch RAW which we don’t. So needed to form my words correctly without tears. Prior to this, it was our family game night that the kids initiated a few weeks before. They picked Clue Jr. and Mama calmed her heart to play. Sometimes these games take too long and had to mention possibly cutting it short. There was something on T.V. their Mama needed to watch. Luckily, it ended with about 20 minutes before 8:00–RAW time.

I explained to my husband how my favorite wrestler passed away recently and they were giving him a tribute on RAW. No big deal to him really. Why did I care so much? After all, it wasn’t just his T.V., right? The eerie part for me was where I sat to watch. Really wasn’t even thinking but ended up in the exact same spot I sat a week ago. A week ago when Warrior was still alive making his last television appearance on RAW. That didn’t faze me until later. Very different feelings just 7 days ago.

While watching after several minutes, my husband saw part of the Ultimate Warrior‘s IC title win over Honky Tonk Man. He looked at the T.V. pointed to HTM, and asked:“Is that him?” He meant Warrior. Since I never liked the bad guys as previously blogged, my face grimaced some while slowly saying:“Noo, he’s the other guy…” Not wanting to cry, a little smile formed on my face. Let’s just say emotion-wise that his comment about HTM was better than if we’d seen Undertaker!!! So very glad to see the Honky Tonk Man get inducted this year.

Guess the humor was needed for just a moment. My husband was completely clueless about all this and I wasn’t ready to share. I was actually better than I thought during the tribute but music gets me every time. Every single time. The song “One More Time” by

7 Lions was perfect with the part played. It seemed so wrong to hear the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music without seeing him running or just physically there. I applaud Triple H for getting the crowd going as hearing that music, well, you just can’t sit still. I do have a post about “Unstable” coming soon so stay tuned… Of course the next day, I watched it all again by myself tissues in hand. 💔😢

After the memorial tribute was over, I knew that volcano needed to erupt. I tapped my foot constantly while digging my nails into the side of the couch. I told my husband he could change the channel as I left the room.

Going upstairs to be alone seemed too obvious so I made my way into our half bathroom off the kitchen. After a few moments of silenced sobs, I turned on the faucet full blast to mask my tears. My ugly cries came yet again. That early April made me lose my voice from grief but I blamed it on the exceptionally warm spring which brought about my “cold.”

I’m sharing my story not out of extreme sad memories or my horrible emotional state back then at all. It is being written to show how grief knows no barriers whatsoever. We all grieve, even over losing things. It isn’t just people. I’ve even grieved over getting our new van a few years ago after having our first one 11 years. This year, it’s a new pool that’s replacing our old one and yes, I’ll grieve again. Am sure Dana grieved when selling Casa de Warrior a few years back.

Your grief is yours alone and it knows no time. You will know what journey is truly yours and there is no comparison. Some can say I was crazy to grieve so long and hard for a celebrity. Believe me, I questioned it also. Grief never fully goes away but just changes over time. I debunk many myths we buy into in my book Spirit and Belief.

I kept so much hidden for various reasons and very glad not to hide anymore. Slay those naysayers warriors! Don’t ever feel like your grief doesn’t matter because it does!! Perhaps Dana seemed so strong to all of us but she has such a huge support system which I never had.

Remember that we all need to be validated and go thru a process to get where we are today. We all go in different directions but need support along the way. I validate your grief for whatever reasons and truly understand. We need to let it out and not push it down. Without my process, I wouldn’t be doing all I am now in memory of Warrior. He gave me that validation and supported me from the start.

So, I am moving on from these moments and memories as I continue making new ones. Please do that too. My humor will be back very soon as it is the backbone of many posts! I realize sharing your grief or stories can be so challenging but know you are not alone. Grief makes us stronger.

Just don’t wallow too much as the spirit needs to laugh as well. Make that grief your OWN and let it pass as it needs to. A Warrior is strong but also tender. Celebrate how your sadness makes you real because it matters. A relative, celebrity, an object or memory, we have them all. Some we lose but some we keep. Make sure you keep what’s important as it reflects your life. The ones you keep are imprinted in your soul. Never let anyone deny that of you.

I will never forget April 14 as another moment and memory for me but know it let to a higher purpose. My story makes a difference just like yours does for you. Never by defined by myths, they are meant to be debunked. Grief will lead to joy. Go with it and your strong warrior self will make it truly ultimate. Being “sensitive,” “emotional,” or “too dramatic” isn’t a curse. It’s a blessing and what a life lesson it has been for me. 💙💪🏻🙏🏻~~~ Kathy

www.spiritandbelief.com