I decided to get inspired by Dana Warrior’s blog post of last week titled: “Warriors Meet Their Match.” First, I did say how Warrior himself always inspired me but now it has become more about his wife Dana. Her words always resonate with me in some way. Second, that takes me to the reason I’m writing today and that is to share my version or story of “Holding My OWN.” I felt compelled somewhat to expand on her words with a little dose of myself mixed in.
Like she said about “not wanting to ruffle feathers,” I feel the same. For the first time EVER, I do have to disagree a teeny tiny bit with her views on friendships– especially women. I adore Dana, you all know I do but being part of this tribe of #TotalWarriors, we all have a story and a voice. She stated with keeping a friendship that if things don’t go right: “the muck is squarely upon you.” I totally understand this however, I GAVE to some friendships and got very little in return. Yes, to be a friend you do have to give but possibly I gave too much.
For years, I beat myself up about so many things but then decided how wrong that was. I will OWN some situations regarding female friends but not all. Some people just need to be let go so we can evolve in a new way. Friendships worth saving need to be 50-50 just like a romance even though both are HARD. We can only try so much until cutting our losses. No one’s circumstances are the same so those women who have a few close BFF’s, you are truly blessed.
People do grow apart for various reasons but some in my life didn’t want to go that extra mile and give equally. No one person should be the “doer” without the other helping pull the rope on the other side.
This brings me to the other topic on those romantic relationships of ours. This blog wouldn’t be true without me mentioning Warrior, right? I am so glad to also have a man who would defend my honor to anyone just like Warrior did for Dana. I must admit though when we first started dating, I hated him doing those little extra things for me. Don’t get me wrong- I secretly loved it but had that same attitude Dana mentioned of: “I can do it myself.” The truth was that I did so much for my independent self back then, I had no idea that a guy– any guy would help me with stuff ever.
I have always prided myself with not being like those other girls living to impress a boy. I dressed the way I wanted, wore my hair the way I liked, and was interested in many things. None of it would ever be to get a boy even if I could or to have more friends either. I would hate being a twin and sorry to any of you out there but it wasn’t written in the stars for me!
Being a “robot” or “clone” isn’t the Warrior way and it never was for me. Sometimes, it still is like that today. We all want to fit in with shared interests but still want to OWN our true nature.
I sure hope my kids absorb some of my “authenticness” into their own being as well. They see how their Dad does little things for me and without feeling complacent, I know it’s him being himself while making me happy. He’ll warm up my coffee or bring me nachos and wine. ☕️🥙🍷Sure, I can do those things but it took me a long time accepting a man still “wooing” his girl.
I remember how it was back in high school from very personal experiences and when Dana and Mattie mention guys not fighting for girls, I get it. It used to be like this: A girl would leave her BFF in a situation almost right away if her BF called. Yep, so true and so sad. On the other hand, a boy would rarely leave his cool guy friends if a girl called. He’d be labeled “hen-pecked” or “whipped.” I sure hope that’s not the case today but with my children on the cusp of this, Mama will have a say!
I will not knock all the guys out there since many behaviors are generational or perhaps not even learned. Much is common sense but some men just don’t know their “place.” They want to please their girl but don’t know how. Women of yesteryear had men doing almost everything for them that nowadays they can do on their own. It is confusing for sure and takes so much work but in the long run, very worth it.
My husband and myself have quite the age difference similar to Warrior and Dana’s but sharing like minded goals should win over any number. For me personally, I am glad to have been near my late twenties when we met. By then I already had a pretty good sense of myself and felt much pride being my OWN woman. I didn’t fall into that category of childhood home, college, then marriage. I know this will serve me well in the future as most women my age are finally learning to not rely on a man for everything. Again, I LOVE the little things my husband does for me but also know they don’t affect my survival.
I was not ready for marriage at that young age of 21 or 22 even though a man’s family I was seeing then wanted us to become more serious. Everyone chooses their own path and based on some marriages I knew of, it would be different for me.
I do OWN my feminine self more now than ever before. No, I was never a “girly girl” who lives for dresses and high heels. I express it when and how I want but don’t feel the need to conform. Dana is right with romantic relationships being about a dance. We do have to give our hearts despite fear of the unknown. My husband is our family’s protector and I can’t imagine being without him. One day if I must be without him, my inner independent warrior woman will have to hold my OWN while remembering that I can.
Holding Your OWN is extremely challenging in these times but necessary in order to thrive. Whatever your role as a man or woman, treat your significant other the way you’d like to be treated despite possible societal ways of the past. My husband and I need to teach our son how to treat a girl properly but I believe the same needs to be said of our daughter.
There are differences of course but once you see someone as your equal, then your partnership will become real. I held my OWN then and will always as is my wish for you.
~~~ Kathy 💖💪🏻🤗
www.spiritandbelief.com (other spiritual topics)
www.ultimatewarrior.com (Dana’s blog)