The Color Blur 🎨💙💖

What a color blur April and May 2014 was for me in so many ways. No, I’m NOT gonna go back to all that but this is more a continuation of sorts. That expression came to mind because of all the busy stuff which happened in spring of that year. I had mentioned in the post of 2020 “Many Colorful Masks” about my daughter’s painted butterfly cheeks but am expanding on this just a bit today. Here’s a little recap of one event. Right around Warrior’s passing, much was going on in my family life and I needed all that craziness to do. A few days after April 8th, my girl had this dance party at school and got her face painted. I had said how she wanted to keep them on for her Grandpa’s big 70th birthday dinner that Saturday. With shaking hands, Mama redid them just enough so she could show off. There’s more to that time though which I haven’t shared.

The birthday night continued as another color blur was part of me. A few days earlier as a tribute to Warrior, I decided to paint my nails pink, orange, and lime green while alternating of course. 💅 Nobody would even notice (not really anyway) but to me, it was an honor. I wanted them to notice the butterfly painted cheeks of my little girl but my nails, that was just mine and mine alone. We all had a great time as I needed it but still felt like crawling away to be by myself.

A week later was Easter which I decided to host that year. We just had that Holiday here in the U.S. I had made this decision before April and not just solely as a distraction. My one sister offered to host considering that butterfly girl of mine was making her 1st Communion in May and back to back family events are quite a lot. I told her no but thanks for the offer to help. It would all work out while unbeknownst to them, my life needed the activities. That Easter brought more color blurs of eggs, baskets, little girl dresses, and much more fun but internally, I was a mess and would be for quite the time. I did play “Just Dance” on the Wii in our basement to “Beautiful” by One Direction against the girls. Those lyrics got me out of a funk and I came close to winning! Give that song a listen...

About a month or so later, the 1st Communion prepping was upon us. We settled for a dress online that she liked but no veil. She didn’t want one. No tiara either. I didn’t care but explained to her how just about every girl would be wearing one so when she’d see them, to not be upset. It would be too late then. She accepted this even though her mind changes quite often. That’s so anti-Gemini… ♊️ I’ve always applauded her own warrior spirit of independence and not conforming. Yet another reminder back then which would for sure get a lump in my throat. I am that “rebel” too but just didn’t have the voice enough as a child which she always did and still does.

This takes us to shoe shopping and maybe something for her hair. All of her questions made my lump get bigger as I had to stop tears. “Why does everything have to be white, I want some color!” She said that often. Guess where my thoughts went? I tried to explain it to her but even my words sound so silly to me now. White is pure, holy, and it’s tradition. They were all religious aspects which I don’t truly follow too much these days. I have instructed the kids but now they’re on their own with those belief systems. It was so forced on me as a kid and despite some beautiful memories, we need to do what works for us spiritually and religious conformity just doesn’t anymore. You can believe otherwise, no judgment but I have moved forward.

It became another color blur as we did find colorful shoes but they weren’t in her size. White ones had to match the dress after all! Much of her rebelling and questioning made my emotional volcano close to erupting. She got her color and we loved it. We bought a headband with a hot pink flower on the side. I couldn’t have been prouder and when she saw all those veil wearing girls, she didn’t mind. My warrior girl indeed. 🌺

That time was so fast for me as the month and a half ran by just like The Ultimate Warrior would! A color blur of his passing, butterfly cheeks, party balloons and cake, my nails, Easter decor, and then a beautiful pink flower to top off that white dress. O.K., she looked so cute like a mini bride and it’s sort of like “marrying Jesus” but there are many ways to be close to Jesus or any others we may worship. Not wanting to preach here but just being honest as I do. I can’t forget my purple tulips that bloomed that spring too as part of this colorful past. They’ve been mentioned plenty!

The Ultimate Warrior could be quite the color blur with all that he did over the years as time seemed to go very quickly. I’m grateful I could keep up with those exciting years of watching him perform just like I could keep up with that busy colorful time of April and May in 2014. Whew. It’s amazing I held it all together but knew my moments alone were just for me and family stuff counted too. Where are my Emmy Awards, lol?! 😂 I had to balance all that was happening around me involving Warrior, the Universe, and my present life. Another three count. What a color blur it was as time had slowed down just enough so I could take it all in. After all, we need color to paint our world. Just allow your white canvas to expand a little, you may learn something. I sure have...

P.S. In the previous post about masks, you’ll read another Easter connector. It concerned a certain egg I painted one year. It was the same colors (blur) as the batteries I got! 😬🥚🔋🔋**Of course they are both Warrior related… 😉

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*** Make it an ultimate COLORFUL day but slow down enough that it doesn’t become a blur… ❤️‍🩹🙏🏻